Baltimore
May 31, 2005
Parents
must step in before kids drop out
By:
Susan Reimer
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MY
DAUGHTER was in a hurry to return home from her freshman year at
The reason was, most of her friends were already home. They had dropped out of
school.
A couple dropped out of four-year schools and dropped into the local community
college. A couple more dropped out of the community college. One dropped out of
a trade school.
"This isn't contagious, is it?" I asked my daughter. "You know I
turned your bedroom into a craft room, don't you? If you quit school and come
home, you will have to sleep in your car."
Jessie laughed at me, but said, more seriously, "I don't understand why
they quit. College is a pain, but you have to have college. They should just
get through it."
None of this was following the script I had imagined.
Jessie's friends are bright and successful, have college-educated parents and
an upper-middle-class life. College is a given for this group of kids, yet they
had returned home, defeated by it.
For my own child, college was not the love-of-learning experience for which I
had hoped. It was a pain. It was not the parent-supported, semi-adult independent
lifestyle for which I thought she was eager. It was something to be gotten
through.
According to the ACT, the percentage of students who take five years to
graduate - not four, but five - has dropped to an all-time low of 51 percent.
Educators say that most entering freshmen do not expect to graduate in four
years.
According to the Census Bureau, one in three Americans in
their mid-20s drop out of college, up from one in five in the late 1960s.
Most of these students come from poor or working-class families with no college
tradition, but that is not the case with my daughter's friends.
Each one left school for a different reason, but I suspect the one thing they
had in common was this: They dropped out because they could.
Parents, who have supported their children in so many ways over the previous 18
years, are also supporting their decision to bail out on college. And often the
child has no more reason to quit than feeling homesick or overwhelmed.
"We are seeing more and more of that these days than we did 20 years
ago," said Stuart Hunter, director of the
"When students leave home for the first time after having had that support
system, it is challenging," she said. "Often, they can't even put a
handle on what it is that is overwhelming them. It is just day-to-day
living."
Then the students call home in tears and Mom says, "It's OK, come on home.
We'll fix it."
"That's where the support system is backfiring," Hunter said.
"We live in a Wal-Mart world," said Tim Culver, vice president of
Noel-Levitz, which works with colleges and universities on student retention.
"Students want their expectations to match the reality."
And if it doesn't, they are more likely to leave, said Culver.
The reasons students leave college are almost too numerous to name: They are
not ready to leave home; they are not prepared to do the work; the college is
too big, too small or doesn't have the right curriculum; there are family
problems; there are boyfriend-girlfriend issues; the money runs out; a job with
a paycheck right now is more attractive than the promise of a career and a
larger paycheck four years from now.
The colleges certainly have their motivation to retain these students because
students who drop out take their tuition with them. And some schools do a
better job than others of anticipating the academic and emotional needs of
freshmen and meeting them almost before the students realize it.
But parents have a role, too. And colleges need to help them understand that
role.
"I think we build up the college experience as a rite of passage,"
said Ilona McGuiness, dean of first-year students at
"Students are groomed for this experience. It is expected of them.
"Then they get here and they realize they are homesick, but they don't
think they should be. Parents and kids need to talk about that before they get
to campus.
"By and large, they are prepared. They can do the work. Sometimes just the
distance from home creates problems for them," she said.
Finding a place to belong at a college or university can be overwhelming as
well. "Even those who can handle the practical stuff - like the laundry
that comes out a little funny - find it difficult to find like-minded friends
or a community to which they can belong," said McGuiness.
Finding a niche in a new environment can be so overwhelming "that they
just leave," said Jean Shin, associate dean for first-year students at
"Each family is different, but if a student feels that is an option, that
it is OK to leave, then they will do that.
"You can't force the students to stay in school, but families can strongly
encourage them to stay at it, to keep going," he said.
Shin said parents need to let the student know that they are not alone, that
they are part of a group that is going through the same experience and that
there are resources at the college to help: professors, other students,
counseling services.
"It is awkward," Shin said. "All through their
child's school, from K through 12, parents have been told to be involved in
their child's education.
"Now parents can be denied any information without the permission of the
student. That certainly has complicated things."
These same parents, so used to micromanaging their children's academic progress
and their daily lives, must now step back and encourage their children to use
their resourcefulness to solve problems - from using a washing machine to
handling a scheduling conflict; from choosing a major to battling through
homesickness.
"We try to fix everything for our children," said Hunter, whose own
son dropped out of college until he found out what life was like without a
degree.
"Instead, we should be asking them how they think they can solve the
problem."
And maybe dropping out isn't the solution.
Copyright
© 2005, The